Reflections
by silvermooncatgirl
Summary: Ash remembers everything that made him who he is today... And who he had to lose along the way. I know that rhymes and I didn't intend it to, but please read anyway! Rated T just in case.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Pokemon or any of the characters in this story. The storyline is my own. :D**

* * *

You would think I'd become a Pokemon Master.

It's all I ever talked about when I was younger; inexperienced. "I'm gonna be a Pokemon Master!" I was rash, loud, obnoxious and irritating. My friends liked me for me, though, and I was crazy to lose them... Twenty years on, I reflect on what happened to me that day in Mt. Moon. The day I lost everything.

* * *

"Come on!" I cried, my faithful Pikachu balancing on my shoulder as I hared down the road leading to the jagged cave entrance of Mt. Moon. My two best friends, Misty and Brock, followed me at a more leisurely pace, Misty holding her Togepi, Brock daydreaming about whatever new girl had caught his eye and wondering why she didn't like him.

I reached the cave entrance and gawped in amazement at the stalaglites crusting the ceiling; the wild Pokemon scuttling around inside the dark interior. I waited, impatient, for Misty and Brock to catch up to me, and raced inside without a second thought, though my Bulbasaur was low on health and Squirtle had been paralyzed. I heard Misty note the Pokemon Centre outside and thought, _I'll go later_.

Brock smiled as he looked around, clearly more at home in a rocky cave than outside in a grassy meadow. "Ash," he called, and I looked back to see him crouching over a curious growth of mushrooms, fiddling around in his backpack for a jar to store them in. "Look at these," he marvelled, and I barely glanced at them.  
"Cool, yeah," I nodded, and hurried away to find some innocent little trainers to battle.

Misty was sitting on a rock, her chin in her hands, watching Togepi parade up and down, chirping.  
"Hey," I said, as I ran past her. She raised her head and smiled at me, and scooped up Togepi before I knocked it over.

I came to a sudden stop as the part of the cave I was now in was engulfed with blackness. "Woah," I breathed, as Pikachu's cheeks lit up and glowed light yellow in the darkness. I was standing in the middle of a huge ring of rock; like an amphitheatre. I looked around, eyes big in the gloom. Pikachu slid down my back.  
"Pika," it said. "Chu, chu."  
I took that to mean that it was uncomfortable with this strange rock formation. "Me too, buddy," I muttered, but was enjoying myself far too much to turn and run back to Brock and Misty.

I spun around, marvelling at the high chalky rocks surrounding me and Pikachu.  
"Piika," Pikachu said insistently, patting my shoulder. Sparks flew off its tail and singed the back of my jacket.  
"Hey," I snapped, lifting Pikachu from my jacket and setting it down on the floor. "We came in here to explore a little," I reasoned with it, "and to find some Pokemon for you to battle with. So stop being so... babyish... and we'll look around!"

Pikachu looked at me, hurt blazing in its big black eyes. "Pii," it snapped. "Piia chuu kiki chu pi."  
I deciphered that as, "shut up Ash, and let's get out of here," and rolled my eyes.

"Pikachu!" I cried, nudging it with my foot. "If you're so upset about it, we'll go."  
"Chuu," Pikachu said quietly.  
We walked back the way we'd gone, Pikachu now crouching on my hat. The light weight was comforting as my footfalls grew more and more hesitant, as I began to wonder how long it had taken me to get to the amphitheatre-like rock formation before...  
_I was running_, I thought desperately, _so it will seem like it takes longer if I'm walking._

I eventually heard Misty's voice. She sounded passionate, but slightly choked up as if she was trying not to cry. I stopped - even though I was eleven years old with minimal social skills, I could tell I shouldn't intrude on her if she was upset.

"Brock," she was saying. I heard his voice mumble something and felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. What were they doing? I had been gone for at least fifteen minutes - why weren't they worried about me?

"Misty... he's gone to explore. He won't be back for a while. We can be ourselves right now. Come on."  
I winced as my foot splashed into a muddy puddle but continued listening. I was standing in the light now, but I was round a corner, so I was invisible to them. Pikachu made to leap from amy shoulder, and I reached out and grabbed it round the middle and put a finger to my lips.

I looked hesitantly round the corner. My heart thumped wildly for a moment as I saw Misty twining herself around Brock, their lips touching lightly.  
They were kissing. My best friends. Misty. Brock.  
I was confused. I knew that Brock was a little women-obsessed. I knew Misty was a girl. A pretty girl, at that. They were together and that's what shocked me.  
I swallowed, feeling my heart thumping against my chest. I put my hand to it, feeling the beats against my hand.

I stepped out of my corner. "Hey you guys," I said loudly. They leapt apart, blushing furiously, smiling nervously at me. I acted oblivious.  
"Just been for a bit of a wander," I said blithely, setting Pikachu onto the ground and grinning at them hugely.  
"Oh, right," Misty smiled, running a hand through her hair and cuddling Togepi against her. Brock clapped me on the shoulder.  
"Found anything?" he asked.  
"Nah, not really," I replied. "A great big stage thing."  
Brock nodded wisely. It was one of the things I admired about Brock - he was so clever. Even at fifteen, he knew more than I ever hoped to.

We ate in the 'great big stage thing'. Brock had cooked; a thick floury stew filled with vegetables. Misty ate appreciatively, but I sat quietly and stirred my stew around with my spoon.  
"You OK?" Brock asked me, concerned.  
"Huh? Yeah," I replied. "Fine."  
Misty patted me on the arm. "Puberty," she mouthed at Brock.  
I rolled my eyes. "Just 'cause I'm younger than you two doesn't mean I'm... you know... a little _boy_."  
"As opposed to a little _girl?" _Misty laughed, taking a sip of the warm bottled water that was the only drink we had.

Misty and Brock helped each other pitch their tents. I sat moodily on the fringe of our camp.  
Even Pikachu and Togepi were happy. I felt my eyes swim with tears.  
_They're together,_ I thought. _They might... They might leave me. They might go and live in Pewter City. Or Cerulean City. _

"Ash! Come and help us," Misty pleaded, waving the bag of guy ropes at me. One tent was already pitched, giving me the impression that there would be a lot of tent switching going on later. I got up heavily and slouched across the stone floor to where Misty and Brock were now having a play fight with tent pegs. I snatched one off Misty and stabbed it viciously into the moss they had chosen to sleep on.

We went to bed at the same time. I had been almost propping my eyelids up as Brock and Misty made awkward small talk.  
"Right," Misty sighed, defeatedly, at around half eleven. "I'm going to bed."  
"Me too," Brock said. "I'm going to go get washed," he added, holding up the water bottle and rummaging around in his bag for his sponge.  
"Oh yeah, me too," Misty said quickly, fishing a bubble-patterned towel from her rucksack and following Brock over to the lowered part of the stone stage, where we had established we would wash. I sighed and crawled into one of the tents.

I woke up at around seven. Brock wasn't in his sleeping bag. I sighed deeply and peeped out of the tent flaps. There were two shadows in the other tent.

I crawled out of my own tent, being careful not to wake up Pikachu. They had moved the tent away from mine.  
"I can't believe this," I muttered to myself. I suppose I knew, really. Misty was fourteen, Brock fifteen. I was eleven. I knew that they would eventually find someone to 'bond' (as my mother would say genteely) with, but I never dreamed they would find each other. I tried not to look at the shadows projecting to me just what they were doing inside the tent as I washed myself and found an apple in my bag. I turned my back on the lovebirds in the tent and closed my eyes, feeling hot tears drip down my face.

Misty and Brock emerged two hours later, holding hands, pink-faced and shaky. I smiled at them, feeling strained.  
"Oh, erm, Ash," Misty gasped, as they dropped each other's hand and grinned at me.  
"Hi Ash," Brock mumbled. He set up his little portable stove and cracked a few eggs into his blackened frying pan. Misty washed her face and fed Togepi, then sat down next to me on the ground.  
"Are you alright?" she asked me quietly. I looked into her face - her sweet, pale, earnest face. Her eyes, sapphires in the morning light, shone into mine. Her hand rested on mine.  
"Yeah," I whispered.  
"Good," she smiled. She tightened her fingers over mine momentarily and then got up and walked over to Brock.

We ate quietly, but without silence. Occasionally I would crack a joke and smile and Misty would beam at me over the table. Once I felt her foot snake around mine and threw her a quizzical glance. She withdrew her foot and I saw Brock suddenly look at her, his whole face softening.  
I looked over at Misty then and, to my horror, felt my face grow warm and tears spilled down my cheeks.


	2. Chapter 2

I trudged ahead of Misty and Brock, head low. Pikachu sat on my hat again, but today the weight seemed like a reminder of the horrible secret I was harbouring inside of me. I loved Misty.  
I blamed the tears on the pepper in Brock's omlette, and shut myself in the tent to get dressed and wipe my tears away.

We had trekked through almost all of Mt. Moon, until the growing dark grew too much for us to continue walking safely. Misty and Brock pitched their tent and left me to set up my own.  
Brock's excuse for him sharing a tent with Misty was paltry - "She gets nightmares and needs someone to be there for her".  
We ate a quick dinner of bread and butter - Brock had run out of most of his food supplies - and retreated to our tents.  
I sat on my sleeping bag trying not to listen to the breathy voices coming from Misty and Brock's tent.

Pikachu was curled up beside me, its chest rising and falling slowly as it slept. I lay down, pulling my hat and shoes off, and closed my eyes.  
"'Night, Pikachu," I muttered. I decided I would interupt the love nest, and called out, "Brock, Misty? Goodnight."  
I heard scuffling and gasping and then Misty called, with a hint of a giggle in her voice, "Night Ash!"  
"Yeah," Brock agreed, and I heard kissing noises.

The sun rose over the mountain. I opened my eyes, groaned as the sun struck them, and rolled out of the tent, landing on my back on the damp moss I had pitched the tent on top of. I closed my eyes again and then, experiencing a feeling like a freezing dagger streaking up my back, I opened my eyes to see Brock and Misty, both topless, kissing each other furiously on the fold-up bench we sat on to eat.  
I tried not to look at Misty and instead focused on Brock. I narrowed my eyes and glared at his bare back, watching Misty's milk-white hands darting up and down the tanned skin. I crept back inside my tent, but cleared my throat loudly.

"Brock," Misty murmured, pushing him away but leaving her hands on his chest. "I think... Ash is awake. I heard him coughing."  
"Yeah you did," I muttered bitterly. I heard them moving around, and saw through the little gap in the tent flaps that Misty was pulling her teeshirt back on.  
"Oh, Mist," Brock moaned, "I was enjoying that."  
"Me too," Misty giggled, and I heard more kissing noises. "He might go back to sleep," she breathed.

I didn't.

I got up and opened the tent flaps. "Morning," I called cheerily. Misty looked round. She had been brushing her hair, and it was all shiny like a molten waterfall.  
"M-Misty," I stammered. "I... erm... like your hair."  
"Thanks," Misty smiled, resuming her brushing.  
"Brock," I said, clapping him (with difficulty - he was taller than me then) on the shoulder and reaching over to prod the bread he was toasting slowly on the stove to see whether it was done. It wasn't, so I sat down. I saw the hungry expression in his eyes that I knew had nothing to do with the food as he looked over to where Misty was now singing softly to herself as she rubbed moisturiser on her legs. She turned round to see us both staring longingly at her, and grinned a little shakily.  
"Are you two OK?" she asked.  
"Fine," Brock replied. I nodded.  
"OK," she said, turning away.

Lavender Town was a disappointment to me. We booked rooms at the Pokemon Centre; a twin room and a single. I guessed Misty and Brock would share the twin room, but to my suprise Brock came into the twin room and beckoned me in with him. "We can share this one and leave Miss Misty to the single," he said, high-fiving me as he unpacked his bag and hung his spare shirts in the little wardrobe.  
"I thought... I thought Misty had nightmares," I said.  
"Not any more," Brock said, quickly. "She got over them. It'll happen to you when you're older, Ashy-boy."  
"Don't call me Ashy-boy," I snapped, scowling darkly at him.  
He laughed and left the room, leaving me to unpack in peace. Pikachu took hold of the bottom of my jeans and looked up at me, concern etched onto its little face.

"I'm OK," I said. Pikachu cocked its head on one side and blinked at me.  
I unpacked my shorts and teeshirt, flinging them unceremoniously into the wardrobe and sitting down on the little bed.

I sat in the room for an hour and a half, listening to my own thoughts. Then I heard a knock at the door.  
It was Misty.  
"Hi," she smiled, when I opened the door. "Me and Brock are heading out in a little while to explore Lavender Town... Come with us?"  
"Sure," I agreed.  
"Come on then," she said, taking me by the arm and pulling me down the stairs to the main Pokemon Centre. Nurse Joy smiled at us. Misty smiled back and then turned to me.  
"I'm glad you're coming with us, Ash," she said. "I get the feeling that you're not... happy."

"I am," I assured her. She nodded at me but her sapphire eyes were still concerned.  
We met Brock in the little cafeteria, and walked out into the misty sunshine that was Lavender Town. Brock wanted to go and see the Pokemon Tower, and Misty wanted to move across to Route 12 and Silence Bridge.  
"Well... we'll split up then," Misty said. "Ash, where do you want to go?"  
"Silence Bridge," I said immediately. "Pokemon Tower is just too depressing."  
"Fine," Brock sniffed, and then, winking at Misty so quickly I almost missed it, he walked off to Pokemon Tower. Misty watched him go with a dreamy look on her face.

It really was silent on Silence Bridge. There were Magikarp swimming around my bare feet dangling in the water, and I smiled as I watched Misty, who had released her Horsea, Azuril, Corsola and Starmie into the water and was now swimming around with them, laughing when Azuril squirted bubbles into her face.  
"Come on in Ash," Misty called, climbing out of the water and tugging at my arm. I couldn't help realising that she was in her underwear and felt my face flush with embarassment. "It's lovely," she pleaded.  
"Nah," I said, shaking my head.  
"Fine," Misty pouted. "I'll go get Brock."  
She began walking, very purposefully, towards the building we had walked through to get to Route 12.  
"No," I shouted after her. "I'll get in!"

"Great!" Misty laughed, bouncing into the water and pulling me in with her. I had managed to get my trousers off and pulled off my shirt whilst treading water. I balled it up and threw it onto the pier, where Misty's clothes were folded neatly and my trousers were screwed up.  
Misty swam underneath the water and tickled my feet. I squirmed and laughed, kicking my legs out as Misty surfaced with a graceful forward somersault. "Wow," I remarked, as she clambered out of the water and onto the pier.  
"Watch this," she called down to me. She jumped high in the air and twisted somehow so she was facing the water. She hit the water with scarcely a ripple and then leapt out like a Magikarp, spun round once in mid-air and somehow landed next to me, her hair sticking to her wet face.  
"Wow," I repeated.  
She laughed at me, splashing me in the face. "C'mon," she scoffed, "I can do better than that."

We sat side-by-side on the pier, still in our 'swimming costumes'. Misty had her eyes closed and was leaning slightly on my shoulder.  
"Ash?" she asked quietly.  
"Yeah?"  
"Are you... OK at the moment?"  
"Yes," I said hastily.  
Misty opened her eyes and sat up. "No, you're not," she said, her face hardening. "You're lying to me."  
"Actually," I said, feeling my heart thump painfully. "_You're_ lying to me."

Misty looked as if I had kicked her.  
"What?!" she cried.  
"You are," I said. Once I had started, I couldn't stop.  
"How?" Misty asked. "What am I lying to you about?"  
"Have you got a boyfriend?" I asked her suddenly.  
"What?!" Misty repeated. "No!"  
"Liar," I said quietly. "I know about you and Brock!"  
Misty's face went very pale. She stopped dead, blinking furiously. "There's nothing to know about," she said shakily. "We're friends."  
"Who kiss," I said. "Who sleep together."  
Misty glared at me. She stood up, gathered her clothes together and stormed away up the pier and into the women's toilets.

She emerged about ten minutes later, dressed, and stalked past me to go back into the town.


	3. Chapter 3

I trailed sheepishly into the Pokemon Centre half an hour later to see Misty sitting on one of the waiting room chairs, clutching a styrofoam cup. Her eyes were red and swelled - she had obviously been crying.  
I slid past, making sure she didn't see me as Brock sat down next to her and cuddled her close. He kissed the top of her head and then said something to her. Misty began to cry again and I definately heard her say my name.

I heard Brock come into the bedroom and sit down on his bed. I stayed underneath the duvet, eyes closed.  
"Ash," Brock said quietly.  
I surfaced and looked at Brock. He had his head in his hands and was hunched over.

"I'm sorry," I said. It felt like such an inadequate word to say - sorry.  
"I know you are, Ash, but... Misty wanted to keep this a secret."  
"Why?" I whispered.  
"She knew you would take it badly," Brock said gently.  
"You're my best friends," I said, feeling a lump rise in my throat, almost choking me. "I just feel... So lonely."  
"Ash. Me and Misty have always known we're well suited to each other," Brock said. He patted my arm.  
"You should have told me," I said.  
"I know," Brock said. He put his hands over his face. "But one thing lead to another and we were... having... you know."

I didn't. I'd said 'slept together' earlier; but in my naive 11 year old way I merely meant that - sleeping in the same bed. Not... not sex.

"You've had..." I said.  
"Oh God, Ash," Brock said, stricken. "I thought you knew!"  
"No," I whispered, and dived back under the duvet, wailing. I felt stupid; young and immature and inexperienced. Brock sat in silence for a little while, then got up.  
"See you later, Ash."

I cried under the covers for at least half an hour. I tried to stop several times, sniffing and gulping and rubbing my eyes. It never worked. Eventually I got out of bed and headed into the small en-suite bathroom to splash my face with cold water.  
I tried not to notice the little blue box Brock had balanced on the shelf by the shower, featuring the words, "ribbed for her pleasure".  
I washed my face, pulled on my jacket and packed my bag.

* * *

That was the last time I ever saw Misty. Sitting on the waiting room chair. Crying into her hot chocolate.

I left Lavender Town that night; walked with Pikachu through Mt. Moon, through Cerulean, through Pewter, and back to Pallet Town.

I walked into my home to see my mother, Delia, standing by the stove with her Mr. Mime, cooking something that smelled good. I burst into tears and flung myself into her arms. I can remember that. She was shocked to see me but seemed to understand why I left. I choked out my whole story against her chest as she held me close and stroked the back of my head.

* * *

I lived in Pallet Town for three years. I slept in the tiny room I had owned age 10; the walls decorated with Pokemon posters depicting a fire-spitting Charizard and a water-spewing Blastoise.  
My mother was pleased for the first month or so - she would come into my room and give a start, beaming, as if to say "oh! You're still here" and then hug me, or hand me some biscuits she had just made, or something.

I studied with Professor Oak. He noticed how serious and work-centred I had beome, and sent a letter to a Professor Ki, who apparently had an aptitude for Pokemon Sciences. I was issued with several tasks to perform in and around Pallet Town, and I could often be seen with a sketchbook, notepad, and huge supply of pens, calculators and mini computers attatched to my backpack. I wore the customary white lab coat.

Pikachu strayed further and further away from me as I constantly blew it off in favour of researching a new evolution or pressing berries into clear plastic sleeves and sending them to far away Snowpoint City; Professor Ki's main site for his laboratories. I never knew how much Pikachu resented my new job until... That day.

* * *

"Mom, I'm back," I called lightly, dropping my rucksack carefully onto my bedroom floor and taking off my lab coat. I changed my shirt and headed downstairs, where my mother was sitting in the living room, reading a magazine. She smiled up at me but continued reading.  
"Have you seen Pikachu?" I asked. I was in a good mood that day, and was thinking about taking a short trip to Viridian Forest with Pikachu. I had been neglecting it of battles for a week or so now, and the strain was beginning to show. Electric shocks and angry "piiii!"s were common around our home.  
Mom finally looked up. "I'm so sorry, Ash," she said, gently, and held out her arms to me.

"What?" I asked, completely nonplussed.  
"Pikachu... left. Today." Mom's voice was calm and controlled but everything about it shouted that she was trying to be strong for both of us.  
"It... left?" I asked, aware of how ridiculously cliche I was being. "How?"  
"I heard a smash," my mother began, getting up and putting an arm around me. "I ran into your room, thinking something had broken. Well, it had. It was Pikachu's Poke-Ball. Pikachu was sitting on the windowsill, and somehow it had managed to throw the Poke-Ball against your bedframe... and it smashed. Then... Pikachu climbed out of the window and onto the roof."  
I sat down on the sofa heavily, dislodging Mom's arm around my waist. "Its gone," I repeated.  
"I'm afraid so, honey," Mom said, her eyes filling with tears. Mine had too, and I was trying to ignore the needle-pricks of tears clawing at the edge of my eyes.  
"I need to be alone," I said, harshly, getting up and striding from the room. I marched into the hall and flung the front door open.

I was sitting, some time later, on the pavement by the dirt road leading away from Pallet Town. I had finished all the crying I was determined I was going to do, and was at the dry, choking, sobbing stage.  
No-one had walked past, apart from a Pidgey, which fluttered on quickly after I snarled "get lost" at it. I lay back, resting my head on the cool pavement, looking up at the darkening sky. I closed my eyes as a raindrop dripped into them, and stayed there. I must have looked dead. I felt it.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up the next morning feeling as if I had been in a fight with a brick wall and the brick wall had won. I ached all over - my throat, my head, my stomach, my legs. Mom came in to wake me up at around half eight, with a breakfast tray. She had woken me up on my birthdays every year I could remember like that, and it made my eyes prickle with tears all over again.  
"Are you OK, sweetie?" she asked, setting the tray down next to my bed and pulling my curtains open. The sun streamed down onto my face; a harsh reminder of the power my little electric mouse contained.  
"No," I said.  
"I know," she said softly, and I knew she had been hoping desperately I would be alright. "I phoned the Professor; you don't have to go into work today."  
"Thanks Mom," I said quietly, and picked up the tray. Mom left the room, and I looked down at the food.  
She had made my favourites - bacon, eggs, tomatoes, hash browns, orange juice.  
I speared a tomato on my fork and twirled it around. The red reminded me of Pikachu's cheeks. I tried the orange juice - a reminder of a Raichu, what Pikachu had comtemplated becoming many times. Bacon - the pale pattern was the exact shape of Pikachu's tail. Hash browns - its favourite breakfast treat. I was left with the eggs. I ate them, and then looked at all the rest.  
"Mom," I called. She came into my room quickly - evidently she had been waiting outside. "Can you take my tray?"  
"Oh, Ash," she said, tutting. "You haven't eaten much."  
"I know," I said, hanging my head. "I can't."

I thought about my other Pokemon. I had released all of my original 'team', and now only owned a Cherrim, who helped with my berry collecting. I fumbled about in my jacket pocket and withdrew the Poke-Ball. I threw it lazily into the corner of my room, and Cherrim hopped up beside me on the bed. "Chrim," it chirrupped.  
"Hey," I said wearily, getting out of bed and dressing.  
Cherrim watched me for a while, then hopped over to my bedside table and nudged aside one of the Pokemon action figures the 8-year-old me had put there.

Once I was dressed, I headed downstairs with Cherrim at my heels.  
"Hey honey," Mom said, carrying a watering can out to the garden. She was closely followed by Mr Mime, who was carrying some plant pots and a shovel. Cherrim chirped excitedly and hurried after them.  
"Alone again," I muttered, self-indulgently. I sat down on the sofa and flicked through channels on the TV. There was a cookery show, which didn't interest me at all; a water sports show, which I guessed Misty would like, and thinking about Misty gave me a pain in the chest; a cheesy little kid's cartoon featuring 'Buddy' the Pichu, which almost made me cry again. I changed the channel to the cookery show and sat back, eyes closed.  
"So, Pikachu," the cook said, turning to his Pokemon, which was wearing a little chef's hat. I didn't want to watch any more. I stabbed viciously at the remote and the television blinked off.

* * *

I moped around for weeks.

Mom was patient at first, giving me anything I wanted, being there if I suddenly got upset. After a few temper tantrums, she began hinting subtly about me maybe "going off on a little expedition" aka starting my Pokemon journey all over again. I knew she meant well but I honestly didn't want anything to do with Pokemon any more. She then suggested I head off to Fallabor Town to visit my cousin, Kat. I declined all offers of a plane ticket, a train ticket, even a hired car.

I took to hiding in my room, which soon became bare of all Pokemon posters, all action figures, all the things I had purchased with my pocket money as a young, over-exciteable kid. I re-painted the walls to black, messily streaking the ceiling with the emulsion.  
I didn't eat much - usually just a chocolate bar if I was peckish, or occasionally I would branch out and walk to Viridian City to buy some instant noodles to cook sneakily in the kitchen if Mom was in the garden with Mr Mime and Cherrim.

I had no idea what Mom was planning for me.

* * *

"Ashley Ketchum," she said, as a way of waking me up. It was winter now, and there was a thick layer of fluffy snow covering the ground outside.  
"Mmm," I mumbled, still half asleep.  
"Ash!" She marched across the room and pulled my duvet back off me. I yelped as the chilly air hit me and clawed the duvet back. She shook her head and sighed, but perservered, pulled the duvet off me again. I frowned darkly at her and sat up, my sleep-mussed hair sticking up in all directions.  
"What," I snapped.  
"Get up right now," she said, returning my scowl.  
"Why," I challenged.  
"Because you are going on a much-needed journey, that's why," Mom snapped.  
"No I'm not," I said, but I was getting up, sensing the excitement this journey might bring. I had been wallowing about in bed for days, still mourning the loss of Pikachu. Every so often I would have a crying fit and crawl back under my covers, fall asleep, eat some chocolate or instant noodles, and basically get in Mom's way.  
"I even found someone to accompany you," Mom smiled. "A little lady."

"Hi!"  
The girl standing in front of me smiled brightly and shook my hand. She looked around my age, with long caramel coloured hair scraped back under a bandanna. She had six Poke-Balls clipped to her belt. I couldn't help staring enviously at them, and she saw me looking.  
"Wanna meet them?" she asked, with a grin.  
"Whatever," I said despondantly.  
"You should meet each other first!" Mom said, laughing. She took the girl by her shoulders. "Ash, May, May, Ash."  
We nodded at each other. May's eyes sparkled at me.  
"Now can I meet them?" I asked, hopefully. May giggled.  
"Sure you can," she agreed, and, as Mom bustled into the kitchen to make us some breakfast, she released six Pokemon. A Skitty, a Glaceon, a Wartortle, a Venusaur, a Beautifly and a Munchlax appeared in six threads of scarlet light.  
"Wow," I commented appriciatively, patting the Venusaur as it nudged my sleeve. "I'm just glad you don't have a Pikachu... or I would be... you know. Upset or something," I blustered.  
May nodded understandingly.

* * *

That was definately the word for May. Understanding.  
We set out that very day, after I had called Cherrim into its Poke-Ball. May was a good companion - she listened, she laughed. I felt myself warming to her instantly, though I tried to hide it under a frosty demeanour. She perservered (very much like my mother) and soon we were friends. She fought battles with me - winning mostly, but occasionally I would beat her. We trekked across mountains, up to Snowpoint, down to Cinnabar.  
I lost her, too.


	5. Chapter 5

She got ill.

That's all. Just ill.  
That's what took her away from me. She got a cold while we were trekking through Snowpoint City, and shrugged off any suggestions of mine that she see a doctor as her cold worsened and turned to the flu.  
I even tried giving her hot water with lemon, but she wouldn't drink it; wrinkling her nose and pushing the cup away.

"Ash," she whispered once. It was about half eleven, and I had just managed to go to sleep over the constant sounds of May's sniffling and coughing. "I think... I think I need to go home," she continued, crawling slowly over to my sleeping bag and unzipping it to wake me up.  
"May," I complained, but once she had repeated her words I nodded. "OK," I replied, "should we go in the morning?"  
"Now please," May whimpered. She wrapped her arms around my stomach and lay her head on my chest as I stroked her hair gently.  
"It's OK, May," I said, standing up and bringing her with me. Her legs buckled and she ended up sitting on the ground, startled.

She took a train back to Petalburg that night, wrapped up in her big blue coat and looking somehow younger, though she was fourteen at the time. I watched her go, waved, with tears stinging the sides of my eyes.

* * *

She sent me a letter later that month:

_Hey Ash,  
It turned out to be a pretty serious infection, Mom said. I passed out soon after I got home, and she took me to the hospital. The doctors there thought I was a goner! Just goes to show I'm stronger than you!  
Max is happy to have me at home. He's starting his own Pokemon journey this week, so he's really excited about it.  
Ash, has Pikachu come back to you yet? I asked Mom and she says when she was younger she had a Turtwig, and it ran away from her and returned thirty years later! She released it, though, because it seemed so much happier in the wild. Isn't that lovely?  
I really hope Pikachu will come back to you, Ash. I miss you lots and hope that when I get stronger I can come and find you again. Don't forget about me, OK?  
Lots of love, May Maple x_

I didn't forget about her. I still sometimes think about her sunny smile, her bright confident outlook and deeply shy core.  
I loved her, but I wasn't in love with her, as I think she sometimes suspected. I thought about Misty far more than I did May, but never imagined there would be another girl in my life.

* * *

I was sitting in a Pokemon Centre, staring despondently at a bowl of rice. Cherrim sat beside me, nibbling away at a Poffin. The rest of my team were being healed by Nurse Joy and Blissey - I had just lost to Fuchia City's Janine.  
I wasn't myself. I had lost three gym battles since May left, and I hadn't even tried to battle the Leaders again.  
Nurse Joy bustled over, holding a tray containing my Poke-Balls. I thanked her and took the Balls, then clipped them back onto my belt and stood up to leave. I returned Cherrim to its Poke-Ball, and then caught Nurse Joy looking at me, concern etched into her face.  
"Ash," she said softly - I had been to Fuchsia City a few times and Nurse Joy had gotten to know me - "are you alright?"  
"Yeah," I said coolly. "I'm fine."  
She watched me walk away and I'm sure she would have said something else if I had given her the chance.

* * *

I hurried round the corner and bumped into someone.  
"Ow!" she cried, and I looked down. The girl I had run into was very small, with dark blue hair tied back with yellow clips. She wore a white bandanna and long boots. She was carrying a Piplup. "Apologise!" she cried, hands on hips. I had to laugh. The girl looked about eleven years old, maybe younger, and the Piplup she was now cradling looked scrawny and weak. I shook my head and made to walk past her. I had walked a little way when I realised the girl was stomping after me.  
"I'm not leaving you alone 'til you apologise," she pouted, placing her Piplup on the ground and crouching beside it. She whispered something in its ear and it chirped with happiness. It sent out a stream of bubbles that popped feebly against my chest. I raised one eyebrow.

The girl, I soon came to know, was called Dawn. She was twelve years old, despite her youthful look. She lived in Twinleaf Town, and Piplup had been a gift from Professor Rowan. I didn't particularly care for the girl following me, but she grew on me. Every time she paused for breath she would scowl expectantly at me, expecting the apology I suppose I still owed her.  
"I mean," she said confidently, "I could beat you."  
"Sure," I said drily, walking on.  
"I could! I'm not weak," she threatened. "I bet you are."  
"I am not weak," I said, still not looking at her. She grabbed hold of my arm and I turned round. Her eyes were blazing with passion and her mouth twisted into a victorious smirk, but as she looked into my face her eyes softened and met mine, and her mouth parted slightly in a small, perfect 'o'. It was exactly how I looked at Misty.

* * *

**Short chapter, I know. I've had reviews saying I should make my chapters longer, but I'm 14 and have a lot to do at the moment! The next one will be longer, I promise!**


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